How To Beat Up Anything

The Arsenal - Avoid the Net

If you ever find yourself in a Roman colisseum, about to fight multiple enemies for the amusement of a blood-thirsty crowd, whatever you do, don't pick the "weighted throwing net" as your weapon. I'm pretty sure it's not even a real weapon, just something they made up and tossed in the pile to mess you up. You'd have better luck using a rolling desk chair with a sawblade taped to it, it's just as practical.  Sword gone? Try to get the battle axe or triton. If they're already spoken for grab the mace. (The spiky metal ball on a chain, connected to a handle)  

If you do get stuck with the net, I must caution you, don't expect your opponet to drop lifelessly to the ground when you cover them with it.  Be prepared for them to smirk, then calmly take the net off of them, before stabbing you. BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

How To Beat Up a Trojan Horse

The Trojan Horse... Indisputably, the greatest tactical maneuver of all-time. But, as crazy as it might sound today (in a world where warring armies are CONSTANTLY leaving enormous hollowed out-statues for each other as gifts that are later revealed to be filled with soldiers who wait until nightfall to slit their throats) there was a time when such an event was a rarity.  There was a time, before the Trojan Horse gambit revolutionized warfare, where you'd go dozens of battles without seeing such a thing.  Crazy, I know.  Since that time has clearly passed, I’m going to tell you how to deal with this all too common foe.

When they wheel that giant wooden horse in, you've GOT to act completely blown away.  Say things like "Whoa! Guys! This is-- You did not have to do this!  I mean we were JUST fighting two days ago!  Thank you sooooo much."

When the army you were fighting leaves and you shut the gates, it's important to keep the facade going for the soldiers inside the horse.  You just know they all have drinking glasses and are holding them up to the walls to hear what you're saying.  Except their medic, who's probably using a stethoscope.